Matthew 18:15-19 How to Adult

Observation: Honestly, I picked this passage because the Daily Lectionary is still in Song of Solomon, and this one's been on my heart a lot more lately. Jesus commands his followers, if someone offends them, to go directly, face to face, one on one, to the offender and talk it through. If that doesn't work, take two or three others from the community as witnesses: not back up, but impartial observers. Finally, if that still doesn't work, take it before the whole church. And if there's still no repentance, treat them like a Gentile or tax collector: except Jesus demonstrated love to them too, so...

Application: If you asked me what is the first lesson in healthy relationships, in following Jesus authentically, in just being an adult, this is it. Talk to people face to face about a problem. I realize there are cases where it isn't safe or possible to do that. And in some cases of gross misconduct, you have to just report the behavior. But that leaves the vast, vast majority of cases where it is safe, possible, and beneficial to talk to a person directly about a problem. But it's still hard, so we don't do it.

Fact is, today it's easier than ever to say what you want to say by saying nothing. By not texting back, not emailing back, not picking up the phone, leaving a friend in the dark about what exactly is going on with you. But in the process of growing up, we learn to do a lot of things that aren't easy. If you can learn to shave, to tie a tie, to parallel park, to show up on time for a job interview, you can learn the practice of open communication. It's not easy, but none of Jesus' other commandments are either. Like anything else, you find someone who knows how to do it, you ask their advice and support, you take a deep breath, and you pick up the phone. That's how adulting works. God took on flesh to speak to us face to face. This is important stuff.

I don't want to turn this blog post into a way of doing the exact opposite of what Jesus says, so I'm going to pray today about who I may need to call and talk with. But I encourage you to do that too. I know there's someone who needs to hear from you. Talk to Jesus about them first, and see what happens.

Prayer: Jesus, this is hard. It's easy to put off and put out of my mind. But I need your help to keep open communication on the front burner, always. Teach me, Lord. Amen.