Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Deuteronomy 11:1-17 It's Not Our Kids' Job






Observation: In a final speech to the people of Israel, Moses is addressing the last living people to have witnessed God's action in leading them out of slavery in Egypt. Therefore, Moses reminds parents that if they don't acknowledge God's goodness and follow God's commands, neither will their kids.

Application: Even as a pastor, I still struggle with the modern parenting dilemma, "how much of my own faith should I push on my kids, and how much should I allow them to discover for themselves?" My dad once told me a story of himself as a willful teen in the 1970's announcing to his father, "Dad, I'm not going to church anymore," to which my grandfather (true to form) responded, "Okay, son, where you gonna live?" That's not really my parenting style, nor, thankfully, the one my parents went with. And yet, growing up, church was an expectation for me, and you better believe we bring our kids to church too. Unless they're deathly ill, they're there. When we're traveling, we figure out another church to try.

I've heard people before say, "I want my kids to be able to choose their own spiritual path, so I won't push any particular path on them." And I'll admit, I do sometimes feel a pang of doubt, wondering whether we are exerting undue influence on our kids and young people by setting out the expectation that worship, prayer and talking about God as a family will be part of their lives. Are kids born Christian? Well, no. We do indeed share our faith with them at a formative time in their lives. You could reasonably call that "indoctrination." But here's the thing...

We do that with literally every other part of their lives, and don't bat an eye. I have no compunction about indoctrinating my kids to believe spinach is better for them than cupcakes, and that they need to get outside and exercise. I'll tell my young, impressionable kids any chance I get, that girls are every bit as capable and smart as boys and should get equal opportunities in this world. I will gladly "brainwash" my kids to believe that we'll only ever get one planet, and we'd better take care of it. That compassion is more important than strength. That I will love them no matter what...and so will God.

You may have heard before that faith is "caught, rather than taught." And it's true. Kids will learn their spirituality from their parents. Maybe those parents choose to have a light touch--to lead with questions, to ask kids what they think about God, about Jesus, about human nature. That's fine. In fact it's great. But the single most important thing parents can do if they want kids to have a vibrant spirituality, even if it looks different from ours, is have a vibrant spirituality ourselves, and not hoard it away from them as though it's some kind of secret. Like Moses said, it is not the job of our kids to figure out faith on their own. It's our job to witness to them, which is more than reciting dogmas; it's sharing our own stories of what God has done in our lives and living as if those stories are true. 

What my parents never told me is that here's no finish line for our faith development. I'm fully aware that any parents reading this are trying to figure out their own faith, let alone what they want to teach their kids. Maybe some reading this have been burned by organized religion, or never did find a style of worship or theology that really matches what they believe. The hard truth is, there may not be a "perfect church" out there for you. They're all full of humans, and humans screw up. A lot. But the other hard truth is your kids can see if your words don't match your actions. They can see if you're struggling with God and trying to figure it out, or if you've just decided that spirituality is not a priority in your own life. They know. The best thing you can do is be authentic about it.

Prayer: God, I pray for parents today. May they feel your grace, and your love. May they have some grace on themselves as well. May they continue to work on their relationship with you. May they be the type of person they want their kids to be. May they make disciples, simply by being your disciples. Amen.      

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