Observation: Elkanah has two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Hannah is unable to bear children, and Peninnah constantly taunts her about it. At one point, when I can only assume Elkanah is trying to make his dear wife feel better, he says, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?"
Wow.
Application: Okay, I've been a husband for going on fourteen years now. And that's enough time to have said some pretty stupid things. Like, grade A, fresh-from-the-market, prime cut stupid. But I take some small consolation in the fact that I can just open my Bible to 1 Samuel 1, and remember that (thus far) I have never said anything that's "Elkanah-saying-I'm-your-consolation-prize" stupid. Thanks be to God. But of course there are many years ahead, so Spirit, guide me...
I've had many close friends who have struggled with infertility. I cannot imagine the frustration, the longing, the dashed hopes, the pain.
What I can imagine is all the well-meaning people who, either aware or unaware of this very private struggle, stick their foot in their mouth in a big way. Sometimes when we're hurting, the words of those trying to comfort us can make it worse. In fact, the number one reason we tend to steer clear of folks we know are hurting, is because we're afraid of saying the wrong thing.
That's a valid concern. It's also a profoundly unhelpful attitude. I mean, open up your Bible. Whatever you're afraid of saying, you will probably not top good old Elkanah. Take comfort, and show up anyway.
When I was in seminary, I heard a lot about the concept of "ministry of presence." You do not have to say anything to let a friend or family member know you care. But you do have to show up. In my experience, just being there, in person, allows the person in pain to open up, and share with you how they're feeling (so you don't even have to guess about it and tell them!) and maybe even find comfort from God in the retelling of their story. Or maybe not. Maybe sometimes he best you can hope for is whatever they're going through will hurt ever so slightly less, because you gave them a call, and offered to take them to lunch, even if they weren't up for it. But you still showed up. And God was there in it.
We say a lot more by being there than by what "holy words of wisdom" we have for our friends. In fact, sometimes the most loving thing to say is nothing at all.
Prayer: God, help us to show up, and to keep our mouths shut when necessary. Be with us, and help us be with others. Amen.
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