God knows me. Not humans in general, but me. Not even me in general, but each word before I speak it. Each thought before I think it. This creates the classic "Free Will Paradox": If God already knows what I'll say before I say it, am I free to say something different, and surprise God, or am I bound and destined to do only what God knows I'll do? Or does God know all the likely outcomes, but not which one I will choose? I'm with the Psalmist in saying, "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is do high that I cannot attain it."
I have good friends who are fervent on both sides of this debate. Some believe strongly that our lives are meaningless unless we have free will. Others say, taking into account the laws of physics, physiology, culture, human psychology, there is no escaping that our lives will unfold a certain way. The Bible seems to assume free will in some places, and in others, like in this Psalm, determinism wins the day. Luther tended toward the latter: he even wrote a tract called "The Bondage of the Will", against the arguments of Erasmus' "On Free Will." However, even a cursory glance at the Small Catechism shows he still clearly encouraged Christians to behave as if they have free will, whether or not that's the case.
To be honest, I feel way too much ink has been spilled on this question, which is essentially unanswerable. It's like saying, "There's a pair of sneakers, on Mars, buried 20 feet underground: are they red or blue?" You can have very strong opinions either way, but you are unlikely to convince the other side, and there is really no practical way to definitively find out.
But unlike "the sneaker question," the question of free will is almost impossible to avoid in our daily lives. It is a basic, fundamental part of who we are, which remains a mystery. But as a person of faith, knowing we are never going to know for sure, I think more important than proving the question one way or the other is to ask, "Why do I want to know today?"
When I am feeling depressed and apathetic, ready to give up on caring for my neighbor because my actions don't matter anyway, the Holy Spirit shows me Moses' command to Choose life, and reminds me that we always have a choice. But when I'm feeling puffed up, secure in my choices and maybe even forgetting how much of my life is the way it is because of God's blessing, then Paul's words to the Romans about willing one thing and doing another are just what I need to hear.
While the argument can rage on in other parts of our lives, one thing we hold as an article of faith is that, free will or no, we are not capable of saving ourselves. Whatever amount of free will we do or don't have finds its limits at the foot of the cross, the mirror which shows us that we are captive to sin, and cannot free ourselves. But God does what we can't do: God saves us.
God, thank you for knowing me, for creating me, for caring about me and loving me. Amen.
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